Technology and the Family Unit

“I can’t get my eight-year-old son away from the computer. All Eddie wants to do is play video games every waking minute. When he’s not at the computer, he walks around with a gadget with games in his hands or he’s talking on his cell phone. At dinner he’s texting his friends, when he’s supposed to be doing his homework, he’s playing games, when his friends come over to play outdoors with them, he opts to stay home, when his grandparents come to visit, he’s polite, even affectionate, but in a flash he’s gone to his room. I can’t ever seem to get his attention and at this point we’re arguing all the time and I just don’t know what to do.”
You are not alone, Parents. A 2008 study by the MacArthur Foundation found that 90% of young children play computer games at least occasionally and they play the most popular games which are rated M for 17 year-olds and older. A Harris poll in January of 2008 reported that 23% of the gamers surveyed felt they were addicted. To help gamers control their excessive playing, drug and alcohol rehab centers now accept video game “addicts.”
But hold on, Parents, help is on the way. Your concern, shared by millions of parents around the world, is the focus of new research on both the positive and potentially harmful effects of what they are calling Excessive Internet Video Game Playing. And the good news is that mental health professionals now offer sound approaches to handling the problem. First, however, let’s take a look at what they consider the positive aspects of playing video games:

•    it’s fun and entertainment
•    encourages teamwork and cooperation when played with others
•    gets children comfortable with technology for their technologically-filled future
•    increases self-confidence and self-esteem as they master the games
•    provides points of common interest and opportunities for socialization
•    develops skills in reading, math, technology and problem-solving
•    improves hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills
•    educational
•    pro-social games can increase empathy, cooperation, helping and emotional awareness

Some of the negative aspects of excessive game playing:
•    violent games diminish the positive traits
•    obsessive pre-occupation with playing
•    lack of interest in other forms of entertainment or activities
•    family relationships suffer, arguments, lack of cooperation
•    lack of attention to parents
•    physical problems, i.e., headaches, eye strain, carpel tunnel syndrome, obesity,
•    lack of exercise
•    poor academic performance
•    violent videos lower levels of empathy and foster positive attitudes toward violence

So what can you do to strengthen your relationship with your children, curtail the amount of time they spend playing video games, restore balance in their lives, and peace within your homes? To make it all work, start by accepting that video games are here to stay (and will no doubt grow in number.) Like so many other fads that come along in this fast-changing world, we can only pray that something more beneficial will come along that will capture their interest.

Here’s a check list for getting the game playing under control:
•    know what kind of games your child prefers
•    if you disapprove of violent or bad taste videos, come to an agreement on acceptable ones
•    limit the amount of daily use to two hours which is recommended by the health experts
•    play the video with your child to get a sense of the appeal, dexterity, rewards involved
•    monitor your child’s academic performance
•    use playing time as bargaining chips, i.e., if school grades slip, shorten the playing time to one hour until grades improve – it’s a natural consequence, not a punishment
•    explore other activities or hobbies for your child that would provide fun and a sense of accomplishment also
•    set a good example by not excessively using your cell phone, computer, or Ipad
•    find enjoyable ways to spend special time with your child
•    determine whether your child has underlying issues of poor social skills, lack of self-confidence, shyness, fears
•    check with your child’s friends’ parents to see what other kinds of games your child is being exposed to
•    watch for signs of strain and poor functioning. Some parents report that their children are not bathing, brushing their teeth, doing their homework, getting adequate sleep all due to excessive game playing.

What is at stake here is not merely a matter of game-playing right or wrong. A much larger issue is the effect of the game-playing on your relationship with your child. So here is another check list that will help you keep focused on your relationship:
•    approach the issue of gaming without criticizing your child
•    maintain mutual respect with your child
•    don’t allow the issue of game-playing to change your relationship with your child
•    don’t be judgmental
•    have fun together
•    be compassionate
•    make special time - even as little as 10 minutes to talk each day
•    accept your child as he and she is
•    respect your child for who he and she is
•    know what your child’s behavior means to him and her
•    know what your child needs from you

So is it possible to win the battle with this formidable, seductive, attractive, addicting demon? Is it possible to compete with its appeal? Where else will your children feel important, special, secure? Where will they find joy, understanding, compassion, and love? How can their most basic needs be met? Where else? In your embrace. Never underestimate your importance in your child’s life.

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