What do you think about sacrifice as a value to teach your children? If you think about the many ways you have sacrificed for your children, from the minute they were born, (probably even before) think too, how it made you feel. Exhausted? Resentful? Noble? In pregnancy, we sacrifice comfort for morning nausea, heartburn, pressure, backache for the sake of having a child. We sacrifice sleep to feed the baby, we sacrifice real rest by sleeping with an ear tuned to the baby’s cry. Did you feel a sense of “selflessness” in giving of yourself to your children by meeting their needs before your own? Did it make you feel good about yourself (despite your struggle to stay awake after a sleepless night?)

To my way of thinking, teaching children to sacrifice their time, comfort, or money is an essential part of developing a spirit of generosity. Let’s see how children can begin to understand the meaning of sacrifice and experience the importance (and uplift ) of selflessness. Even toddlers can learn how to give of themselves and their time by helping you make cookies and a card for a birthday gift for a friend. As they are busily mixing the cookie dough or cutting out hearts to put on the card, let them know that they are giving the gift of their time and effort for their friend. And let them know how you admire their sacrifice of time and effort for their friend when they might have wanted to play with friends or watch a video instead. Now they are learning through a pleasant experience what it means to sacrifice their own needs for others.

Do you teach your older children the valuable lifetime lesson of budgeting their money?  So one category in the budget might be birthday gifts. If they are receiving $5 a week, (with an option of earning extra money by doing special chores like polishing the silver) putting aside fifty cents a week for birthday presents would teach them to sacrifice their money for a good cause.

As it is in most families, parents buy the gifts for their children’s friends and it really does not represent a gift from one friend to another. Nor does it teach children the value of sacrificing their money for the sake of their friends. Or they could include in their budget money for a charitable cause.

Children can learn the value of sacrifice by giving an older person a seat on the bus or in a doctor’s waiting room. They can learn it by helping you make the beds, or put the dishes away, or walk the dog, or any of the other myriad chores around the house as an act of selflessness and generosity. They can learn how to sacrifice by seeing the many ways you give of your time and energy, give up your comfort, or money for the well-being of some one else. Each time you notice your child’s act of sacrifice, be sure to acknowledge it and praise it.

When your relationship with your children is a strong and loving one, they will be willing to sacrifice for you. Without a strong relationship, there is just resistance to helping. Children need opportunities to give, to experience selflessness, and to develop their natural desire to give.

April marks my one year anniversary of writing the Family Matters column. I hope you have enjoyed the ideas you found here. At the end of each column the editor invites you to email me any questions you’d like answered or topics you would like me to cover. So far, I have had no takers. So let me repeat the invitation. I like nothing better than to interact with people, whether through eye-to-eye contact or email. I want very much to know what you are thinking, feeling, coping with, struggling with, excited about, angry about, who you are, what you do, what interests you, what doesn’t interest you, and how you manage each day’s pressures. It’s clear that you know much more about me than I know about you. Learning about you would help me write on subjects that have meaning for you. So, email me, tell me something about yourself, and give me some idea as to what you would like to see in Family Matters.