September 2009

As summer fades into fall, we’re faced with resuming our winter schedules. There are those among us who are the well-organized managers of daily living. For them, life runs like a well-oiled machine. Never ruffled or upset, (well, hardly ever,) they move smoothly from one task to another with time to spare. Even if they gave us their handbook on time management, most of the rest of us would soon return to our customary chaos of trying to get anywhere on time, fully dressed and fed.
Yet, while we are slaves to our own disordered way of living, somehow we also manage to turn up at meetings, deliver the children to thr right places in the nick of time, and have dinner with homemade sauce on the pasta on the table by 6 o’clock. (All right, sometimes the sauce comes out of a jar, but ew add our own oregano, don’t we?)
Whether our schedules are running in smooth or frenzied mode, it occurs to me that more important than what we are doing is how we are doing it. In the rush to “get there,” are you screaming at the children to hurry up? Are you losing patience with the toddler (or teenager) who can’t find his other shoe? Are you telling the children for the umpteenth time to stop squabbling with each other? And are you getting frustrated and ill-tempered a you turn the house upside-down looking for your keys? All the while, do you hear ringing in your ears the collective voice of child experts telling you to stay calm and confident?
If your household is not running as if computer-driven, how can you avoid using the language of strain and pressure? How can you enjoy being with your children despite the stress of being at the right place at the right time and doing the right thing? What is the magic that will make these moments not only fun but a pleasant memory? Smiling is a good start. Why, it can be downright therapeutic!
Believe it or not, the smile on your face actually changes the physiology of your brain. Just search on your computer for the “effects of smiles on the brain” and you’ll find out that smiling not only benefits the person who smiles but it also benefits the person at whom the smile is directed.
Try it and see how it affects your children. With a little bit of luck, you may find them smiling back at you. You might also feel your connection with them getting a little stronger. You might even find a tad more energy to get through breakfast! Laughter is another delightful way to start your day, or you may want to reserve it for the maximum stressful moments in the carpool.
Try this: Force yourself to laugh and keep it up until you are no longer having to force it. With a little more luck, your laugh will be so contagious the children will join in. Just keep laughing until you reach your destination. You may find yourself buoyed for the rest of the day. Ordinary day-to-day duties can wear us down, especially when we are toting the kids from place to place, hurrying, up against pressures of time and distance. At times we feel more like chauffeurs than real, live human beings. We may even be yearning for our children to show us some appreciation for all that we do for them.
Life can become humorless when we (or our children) lose sight of our humanity. Our children need to see the person of us – the happy, fun-loving human being we want to be – the person who laughs and smiles and loves in spite of the tedium of the tasks. Being who we are creates lasting memories, not of the irritated, impatient driver, but of a mom who knows how to make the best of situations that could test the patience of a saint. So smile and let your children see you shine through – the person you are when you are at your lighthearted best.

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