March 2009

March 2009

The current financial and economic downturn in our country forces us to deal with new concerns for our children. Suddenly we are faced with a widespread decline in the moral values of integrity and honesty in our society. We hear that greed was the virus that contributed to the economic calamity — greed and excessive materialism. So how will such an atmosphere affect our children? And how, in this atmosphere, can we preserve for them our once-cherished values?

Back in the old days, when I was growing up, the marketplace had far fewer choices. The shelves in the little grocery store on the corner held but a handful of cereal choices, flakes made from corn, rice that made sounds in the milk, oatmeal, and a few others. Now I go to the supermarket and I’m overwhelmed by the seemingly endless number of choices. Too many for my weary brain. Sure, choices are good, but . . .

Television advertising has us, and certainly our children, panting for the next new thing – be it video games or automobiles, cereal or medication, electronics or fads in clothing and wherever we go, we hear the daily mantra, “I-gotta-have-it.” That leaves us in a state of constant dissatisfaction with what we have because what we have is no longer good enough, or best, or up-to-date.

So what lessons can we find in this focus on materialism that we can teach our children? How can we help them understand the difference between desire and need? And how can we let them know that the latest trend is a temporary pleasure? How can we give our children lasting satisfactions so that the latest fad in toys or clothes will pale in comparison? Here’s a list to consider:
1)   Mutual respect – and self-respect.
2)   Mutual acceptance – and acceptance of oneself.
3)   Mutual compassion – and compassion for oneself.
4)   Mutual appreciation – and appreciation for oneself
5)   A generous spirit.
6)   A strong bond with each member of the family.
7)   Joy in each other.
8)   Shared laughter.
9)   Shared values.
10) Abiding love.

Building a relationship based on mutual respect is physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually satisfying and it lasts, while the joy of another toy or gadget is short-lived. Respected children develop self-respect and self-respect is their best defense against victimization.

Mutual acceptance is one of the building blocks of respect. When you accept your children just as they are, they learn to accept you just as you are. It is such a wonderful comfort! Missing is the anger or disappointment or resentment one feels when the other person is not ideal. Accepting your children unconditionally enables them to accept themselves just as they are.

Having mutual compassion nurtures the soul; it uplifts and warms the spirit. It is the training ground for relationships throughout the child’s lifetime.

Nothing is more affirming than mutual appreciation. All of us, parents and children, yearn to be appreciated by others for who we are. Our appreciation teaches children to appreciate their own unique selves.

Parents with a generous spirit, will stand back and let their children take the stage and let them shine. This is not to say that parents should sacrifice their own gifts and talents; it is to say that children need as much room to develop their interests and abilities and talents without being overshadowed.

A strong bond with each member of the family is the best defense against the undesirable outside influences on children, drugs, cults, reckless sex, dangerous behaviors. It engenders loyalty to the family.

No toy, no gadget, no electronic device can compare to the satisfaction that comes when parents and children take joy in each other.

Though parenthood is a serious task, we need not take ourselves too seriously. Sharing laughter with children lightens the load of the stressful days, and softens the harsh edges of the difficulties we encounter in our lives.

When children and parents share values, they validate one another. We want our children to value what we value, which is not the same as trying to make them carbon copies of ourselves. But we hope that they share our values of integrity and honesty and generosity.

Abiding love is the cement of our relationships with our children. With abiding love, children have no fear of criticism, or judgments, or disapproval, enabling them to thrive and become fully who they are meant to be. Abiding love is unconditional; it continually nurtures and supports. It embraces the whole child, and causes you to celebrate his and her presence in your life.

The good that can come from the current economic crisis is its catalyst effect in teaching our children that our relationships are the most rewarding of all possessions, and they are “priceless.”

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